Marriage According To God
ISBN: 97986722
Ezekiel melchisedec © productions 2018
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All scripture quotations in this book is from the King James Version (KJV) of the Holy Scriptures ,unless otherwise stated
Marriage According To God
Table of Content
Chapter Content
1. In The Beginning
2. Male And Female
3. One Flesh
4. Love And Submission
6. Divorce And Separation
7. Choosing A Spouse
8. Areas Of Compatibility
9. Marriage Ceremony
10. The Most Honourable
11. Perfect Couple
12. Believers And Unbelievers
13. The Purpose Of Marriage
14. Marital Responsibility
15. One Man , One Wife
16. The Bride And The Bridegroom
17. God Blessed Them
18. Marriage Counselling For Men
19. .Marriage Counselling For Women
20. General Counselling For Married Couples
21. The Good Foundation Of Marriage
22. The Bad Foundation of Marriage
23. Laying The Foundation Of Marriage
24. Reasons why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce
25. Reasons Why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce part two
26. Reasons Why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce part three
Introduction
Marriage has been an area of controversy in the whole world .
Many have taken marriage for granted ,they think they can marry and divorce any time at their own convenience.
Today we have marriage of convenience, contract marriage ,same-sex marriages and so forth .In this book " Marriage According To God " the will of God is revealed to us all ,so that we can actually know what real marriage is . " Marriage is Honourable in all and the bed undefiled ,but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge ." Hebrews 13:4
God created human beings to have feelings, that are sexually inclined. That is the more reason marriage is a necessity for every one who want to be morally pure . For instance the apostle Paul said "... To avoid fornication ,let every man have his own wife ,and let every woman have her own husband ." 1 Corinthians 7:2
Chapter 1: In The Beginning
"And he answered and said unto them ,have ye not read ,that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female ." Matthew 19:4
The Lord Jesus was laying much emphasis on the importance of marriage , stress the fact that God made them male and female .What Jesus means is that God ordained the male and the female to settle down in a holy matrimony .In Genesis 1:27 the word declares " So God created man in his image ,in the image of God created he him ; male and female created he them ."
God's creation of the man was never complete without the wife who God called a " help meet " ,that is a suitable helper ."... but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him ." Genesis 2:20 This means a companion and a helper as well as a compatible partner .
That is the reason the woman is a very important person in the life of the man . " And the Lord God said ,it is not good that the man should be alone : I will make him an help meet for him. " Genesis 2:18 There were a lot of animals in the garden ,but none of them was suitable enough to complement the status of the man been the image of God .
That is why God took the decision to form the woman for the man . " And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs ,and close up the flesh thereof .And the rib ,which the Lord God had
taken from the man made he a woman and brought her unto the man ." Genesis 2:21-22
The woman was never created to be alone or to live an independent life ,but was specifically made to be the wife of the man . " And Adam said ,this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh :she shall be called woman ,because she was taken out of man ." Genesis 2:23 The reason why man is the head is the biblical fact ,the woman is the man's flesh and bones . " Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife : and they shall be one flesh ." Genesis 2: 24
Chapter 2: Male And Female
"So God created man in his own image ,in the image of God created he him ; male and female created he them ." Matthew 1: 27
Marriage is something made specifically for male and female and nothing should change that .Today we live in a society where people feel like changing God's devine ordinance of marriage of the male and female . In some countries laws been enacted to endorse marriage of same-sex ; that is lesbian and homosexuals who marry .
This is typically against the word of God , " If a man also lie with man kind ,as he lie with a woman , both of them have committed an abomination : they shall surely be put to death ; their blood shall be upon them ." Leviticus 20:13 The fact is it is an abominable thing for humans to marry contrary to God's ordinance; which is a union of the male and female .
In the light of scripture we need to accept the standard of God for the marriage . And one of the foremost standard of marriage is that it is the joining together of male and female .We need to know that God's judgment awiats all those male and male or female female marriages commonly know as gay marriage .
God made the male to function categorically as the man and the head in the marriage who decisively chooses and marries a female who is the woman in the marriage .God's wisdom of marriage is already established in the word of God and it is the joining together of male and female .It is the only matrimony that is solomonize and blessed in the word of God .
"And God blessed them ,and said unto them ,be fruitful and multiply ,and replenish the earth ,and subdue it ..." Genesis 1:28 Male and female is what God blessed as marriage for fruitfulness and multiplication.
Chapter 3 : One Flesh
"Wherefore they are no more twaine ,but one flesh ,what therefore God hath joined together ,let not man put asunder ." Matthew 19:6
God created the man and the woman as one flesh and that must be settled in our mind, if we must marry according to God's original design of marriage . It must be accepted that through marriage the man and his wife are one flesh and not two . " And said ,for this caused shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife : and they shall be one flesh ,? " Matthew 19:5
Being one flesh means. they are one in soul ,one in flesh and one in bones . That is why Adam called his wife woman ."And Adam said ,this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh ,she shall be called woman ,because she was taken out of the man ." Genesis 2: 23 They have to live together in one room ,and all the time under one roof .
There are some marriages that end up on the rocks of divorce ,because. there is no oneness in their life style .They live in separate homes or rooms ,at times in separate countries . And as a result extramarital affairs becomes their lot , either one or both of them begin to indulge in adultery.Marriage couples should not be separated for long unless is absolutely necessary.
They must stay together in the same house ,in the same room and most importantly sleep on the same bed .Their decision must be cohesive so as to bring oneness that will forever adhere the two in one flesh . Marriage brings together two people that have one soul ,that is why your husband or wife is also described as soulmate . The marriage couple must operate as one flesh ,having the same opinion ,same views ,same vision ,same desires and most importantly the same religious faith .
"Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman ,neither the the woman without the man ,in the Lord . " 1 Corinthians 11:11 This means they are one in the Lord ,that is why they are perfectly called Mr. and Mrs. .Their flesh is also cooperatively owned ." The wife hath not power of her own body ,but the husband : and likewise also the husband also hath not power of his own body ,but the wife ." 1 Corinthians 7:4
The two must accept that they are a corporate entity and not individuals . That is the only way they can function as marriage couple for the longevity of their marriage ..They mostly pray together ,eat together ,travel together ,plan together ,walk together and most importantly worship together in the same church .
Chapter 4: The Head
" For the husband is the head of the wife ,even Christ is the head of the church : and saviour of the body ." Ephesians 5:23
Every thing that God created have a head and so is the marriage , the head of the marriage is and has always been the man .The head is the leader ,ruler and decision maker every facet of leadership in a body .The man is highly esteemed as a leader who controls the affairs in a matrimonial home .Therefore ,there must be room for submission in the heart of the woman for her head ,who is the man .
The word of God says " Wives ,submit yourselves unto your own husbands ,as unto the Lord ." Ephesians 5:22 To submit is to humbly accept the authority of the man who is her husband .He must also prove to be the head ,by knowing the way forward in the l? Leadership facet of the marriage .This man must show intelligence and integrity of character .
The husband takes decisions and releases visions ,dreams , and goals for the family .This can however happen in an environment where the wife is submissive and has really accepted the husband to be who God has ordained him to be the marriage ,that is the head ." Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ ,so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing .." Ephesians 5:24
Nowadays ,a lot of marriages are collapsing because of no submission ; many wives do not submit to their husbands as the head. Many women would rather divorce their husbands than to submit to them because of pride .For those women who choose to be wife material ,they become submissive to their husbands ." But I would have you know the head of every man is Christ ; and the head of the woman is the man ,and the head of Christ is God ."1Corinhians 11:3
Chapter 5: Love And Submission
" Husbands ,love your wives ,even as Christ also loved the Church ,and gave himself for it ." Ephesians 5:25
In marriage there are two principal responsibilities for each of the married partner .The husband has the responsibility of loving the wife ,while the husband has the responsibility of submitting to the husband . The man has a God given responsibility to always show love to the wife ,by caring and taking care of her affectionately. According to the opening scripture the husband has to love the wife the way Christ loved the Church and gave himself to God as an offering for the church .
In loving the Church the husband has to sacrifice a lot for the wife ." So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies .He that loveth his wife loveth himself ." Ephesians 5:28 In this scripture ,loving your wife is a sign that you love yourself, because your wife is your flesh and bones .To love and care for the woman is the sole work of the man, while to submit and serve the man is the sole work of the woman .
The woman must do the work of submission in her marriage which includes ,serving the husband ( washing, cooking and doing all the household chores ) as well as receiving instructions from the husband and obeying him as he gives commands in the home ." Likewise ,ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word ,they also may without the word be won by the conversation of their wives ; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear ." 1 Peter 3:1-2
Fear here in this context is reverence for your husband as a woman . In submission the woman must know how to answer her husband softly and not rudely .Peter used the word " Subjection " to explain the nature of submission in marriage required from the woman for her husband according to God's standard. The husband here assumes the position of a king ,while the wife is his subject .
God himself told Eve the first wife amongst women "...thy desire shall be to thy husband ,and he shall rule over thee ." Genesis 3: 16 .This scripture made it clear that husband even controls the desire of the woman in her matrimonial home .An example is also given about Sarah ,Abraham's wife ," Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham ,calling him Lord , whose daughters ye are ,as long as ye do well ,and are not afraid with any amazement " 1 Peter 3:6
Submission is the key for the woman in her marriage ,if she wants a lasting marriage . " For after this manner in the old time ,the holy women also who trusted in God ,adorned themselves ,being in subjection unto their own husbands ." 1 Peter 3:5 love is the key for any man to keep his marriage going perpetually.
Chapter 6: Divorce And Separation
""...What therefore God has joined together ,let not man put asunder ." Matthew 19:6
This is one of the topics that so many cannot discern the will of God for . God designed marriage to last forever till death separate the two . However, because
of human failure to adhere to marriage principles the consequence is either separation or divorce .Nowadays ,people think they can easily divorce when things get out of control .So the Jews in Bible days asked Jesus " ...Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause ? " Matthew 19:3
There are so many reasons and causes of divorce or separation .But the only reason Jesus gave as an acceptable and justifiable one to bring divorce is when the wife is committing adultery ; sleeping with another man besides her husband ." And I say unto you ,whosoever shall put away his wife ,except it be for
fornication ,and shall marry another ,committeth adultery ,whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery ." Matthew 19:9
Fornication is the only cause of divorce permitted by our Lord Jesus Christ .That is why it is very important that the married woman would stay so pure by her husband ,because any sexual relationship outside marriage is a route to divorce ." Marriage is honourable in all ,and the bed undefiled : but
whoremongers and adulterers God will judge ." Hebrews 13: 4 Not only will adultery bring divorce ,it also brings the judgment of God and the punishment thereof .
Nowadays ,people divorce not only on the bases of adultery ,but also for the hardness of heart .There are a lot of people divorcing because of their heart ,that is unloving heart .The stubborn type that is not considerate enough to overlook human weakness and cannot withstand times of crises .Like in the days of Moses , the law permitted divorce because ,the people had hardened heart that could not tolerate each other in marriage .
" They say unto him ,(Jesus) why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement ,and to put her away : He saith unto them ,Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives ; but from the beginning it was not so." Matthew 19:7-8 God originally joined the man and his wife together forever ,the purpose was that there should be no divorce ,separation nor putting away .But when their heart were hardened against the will of God ,He now permitted human beings to divorce by a written letter to the woman to the woman's family and this letter was called " Letter of divorcement."
"...The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth ,against whom thou hast dealt treacherously : yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy youth ,And did not he make one ? Yet had he the residue of the spirit .Wherefore one ? that he might seek a godly seed .Therefore take heed to your spirit ,and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth .For the Lord ,the God of Isreal ,saith that he hateth putting away (divorce)..." Malachi 2:14-17
The truth is that God who is the only bonafide witness of the union of male and female as married couples from the beginning , forever says in his word that he "hates divorce " .God's plan for marriage is to make the woman a companion forever to the man. Your wife must be your best friend as married man ,likewise the woman who is married ,your husband must be your best friend, so that there should be no divorce .
Chapter 7: Choosing A Spouse
" Nevertheless, to avoid fornication ,let every man have his own wife ,and let every woman have her own husband ." 1 Corinthians 7:2
It is very important that as a man matures ,he chooses the woman that he will spend the rest of his life with .It is the same thing with the woman ,who reaches adulthood to choose or accept the man she would
like to call her husband .God knows that as flesh and blood ,we have feelings that are sexually inclined ,that is why the opening scripture counsels us to choose a wife or husband as a remedy for the life of fornication to be avoided .
Every child of God who wants to live the victorious Christian life must choose a spouse .The man must choose a woman who will make you fulfilled in your life. In the same way the woman must choose a man that will make her live a fulfilled life in this world . The fact is marriage is for fulfilment and not just enjoyment .
choice of a life partner must be done with precision and prayerfully .You need someone who will be an equal yoke with you ,so as to avoid unequal yoke . " For what communion hath righteousness with unrighteousness ? And what communion hath light with darkness ? 2 Corinthians 6:14 Before you choose right ,you need to know who you are and what you want in life .This is important ,because your partner can make or unmake you ,he or she can do or undo your progress .
An equal yoke is what makes marriages a success ; this means both are in the light and not darkness ,both aim at living in righteousness .Both are Christians or share the same faith ,they have one goal and are ready to walk and work together for the achievement of their dreams .Choose someone who value you and sees you as the best for him .
The following principles must guide you to choose the a rightful partner .
1.choose someone who loves you not someone who you know doesn't love ,but is probably marrying you because of your money or something he or she stands to gain .
2.choose someone who believes in you ,that you are good and that you will make it in life ; this will help the person to stick close to you no matter what happens .
3.Choose a partner base on your own observation and not on someone's recommendation, because when you discover something you don't like about the person you may feel disappointed .
4.Marry someone who is ready to introduce you to the whole world that you are his wife or her husband proudly ,without ill feelings .
5.Marry someone you chose by yourself ,not someone chosen by your parents or relatives ,because you might not love the person in marriage .
6.Marry someone you know in person ,not just by phone ,Facebook or a person staying in abroad you knowing or meeting them face to face .
7.Marry in presence not in absential ; like those in abroad who send relatives to come and pay your dowry ,when you have never met them personally .This type of marriage is common in Africa where a total stranger sends family members to marry off the woman .You might discover things about the person that can put you off in marriage .
8. Study the man or woman for at least three months or more ,before choosing him or her to be your partner .This is important because appearances can be very deceptive .
9.Don't let any deformity ,handicap ,disability ,or imperfection in the person discourage you ,if only you love the person .Love is a powerful antidote that can heal and fill in all the pit holes ."Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing ,and obtaineth favour of the Lord ." Proverbs 18:22
It is imperative ,that you choose a spouse ,because after the choice is made God will give you favour in marriage and in life ; every thing you do will be favourable in this world .
chapter 8: Areas Of Compatibility
"And they were both naked,the man and his wife and were not ashamed " Genesis 2:25
Compatibility is having things in common ,that keeps the two of you glued together .For instance the opening scripture States that Adam and Eve had something in common ,they were both naked ,that is one area of compatibility ,secondly they were not ashamed ; this is another area of compatibility. There are however ,other areas of compatibility; they were flesh and blood and they were both human beings.
Adam said Eve is " bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." Genesis 2:23 What God desires and creates in marriage is the fact that the couple must be compatible in almost every thing they do ,like and say .The following are areas of compatibility that are very necessary for the adherence of the couple.
1.They should both be in the same religious faith ;this includes attending the same church or religious institution if possible
2.They must have the same political interest ;this includes being in the same political party.
3.They must like the same kind of food and drinks ; eating and drinking together helps couples to be united in enjoyment.
4.Both of them should share the same interest in the word of God and prayer .
5.They should both share the same interest even in TV shows and programs watching movies ,films, documentaries, news and religious TV programs together ,keep the couple in the bond of love and friendship that is not easy to be broken.
6.A nonsmoker should not marry a smoker .
7.A nonalcoholic should not marry an alcoholic person.
8.Both must live on common philosophy of life ,or principles in their thought pattern, so they will not be augmentative to each other .
9.Both should have keen interest in the same professions ,for themselves and for their children.
10.Both should have a common language they can best communicate to each other .
11.Both should have interest in having and raising children ; This is important because if one of them doesn't want to have children or raise children ,it will more likely breed a strive in the marriage .
12.It is good if both couple are sociable ,because if one is so friendly ,always socializing and the other is not sociable, it will bring jealousy and chaos in the marriage.
13,It is also good if both are educated enough to bridge the gap of illiteracy. This helps to avoid unnecessary argument in current affairs and other matters of interest .It also help them to flow in the same wavelength of communication and understanding.
Chapter 9: Marriage Ceremony
"Who can find a virtuous woman ? for her price is far above rubbies ." Proverbs 31:10
Marriage is one thing and the marriage ceremony is also another thing altogether .Marriage is the actual life style of the couple living together as husband and wife who are one flesh .While ceremony is the initiation rites that is performed to introduce the two ( male and female) into solimonization of matrimony known as marriage .
This means without the ceremony is not yet a marriage ,it doesn't matter how much children you have .The marriage is where the families of the man and woman come together to agree that their daughter and son are being united as on flesh .Marriage is no marriage if the two families of both couple do not come together to initiate the union of their son and daughter.
The Bride Price
Usually the bride price is paid during the ceremony ;this is the token that the woman's family demands before letting out the daughter in marriage .The bride price also know as dowry is a demand by the family ,that must be met by the man's family ." If a man seduces a virgin not betrothed and lies with her ,he shall surely pay a dowry for her to become his wife." Exodus 22:16
In the aforementioned scripture ,we realized that marriage is not genuine until a dowry has been paid to family of the bride ." Ask me ever so much dowry and (marriage ) gift and I will give according to what you tell me ; only give me the girl to be my wife " Genesis 34:12 This is what Shechem ,the Prince told Jacob ,because he wanted to marry his daughter Dina .
In biblical days marriage ceremonies where held in family houses and not in the temple like our days .These marriage ceremonies where usually held in the woman's family house and it was also known as wedding .For instance Jesus attended a wedding at Cana of Galilee and it was not inside the synagogue (temple) " On the third day there was a wedding at Cana of Galilee ,and the mother of Jesus was there .Jesus also was invited with his disciples to the wedding " John 2:1-2
Blessing
Blessing is the Christian way of approaching the marriage ,where the couple are presented in church and are prayed for and also exchange vows before the people. Although this can also be done at the day the dowry is been paid ,provided there is a pastor present to pray for the couple and lead them to exchange the marital vows .
Blessing is done on purpose to dedicate the marriage to God .To ensure the blessings of God ,the protection and provision of God in the marriage.
White Wedding
Wedding is the modern version ,it is properly known as wedding .It embodied in the culture of the whites ,where rings are used as symbols of marriage and seal of vows made by couples. Nowadays ,people also use rings when paying dowry ,they present the rings as well, which is usually worn by the couple in the presence of family members .
Wedding gowns are worn ,with veils to cover the bride , and the bridegroom is required to put on political suites of any colour ,but the wedding gown is usually white .Vehicles are decorated for the newly wedded couple ,and there are usually bride's maid ,and also a best man who follows the bridegroom ,flower girls and page boys accompany the couple .The white wedding is not scriptural ,it is only a fashionable type of marriage that people usually prefer just to attract attention and for their personal convenience.
Court Wedding
This is also another marriage ceremony ,that is usually officiated by court or registry officials ,who prepared marriage certificate for the couple to sign documents and their witness will sign along with them .This kind can be with only the two (male and female) present and court officials ,who sometimes act as witnesses ,but in some cases there may be friends or relatives to act as witnesses for the couple. In this type of marriage ceremony there are no requirements of bride price or family presence ( although in some cases ,there could be families), only the court will legalized their marriage.
However, the most recommended marriages depend on the particular cultures of the couple .At times their religion or Christian life also determines the type of ceremony they opt for.
Chapter 10: The Most Honourable
" Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undelivered ; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge ." Hebrews 13:4
The opening scripture declares that marriage is the most honourable thing on earth .If there is any thing thought of as praise worthy ,it has to be marriage .God ordained marriage to be honoured above every other thing ,more so because it is the first institution of God in the life of the human being.
Any one who despises marriage despises the work of God .God wants every body to esteem marriage highly and respect the matrimonial bed so as not to abuse marital rights .The bed is undefiled ,it is so pure and holy and extremely honoured by God .When dealing with marriage matters we need to respect and honour any decision that promotes marriage .
This means you have to honour your wife ,the woman you have married and respect her opinions above family members .In the same way you have to honour .
your husband above every one else and respect him most dearly as you submit and obey him in everything that he says .
" Likewise ,ye husbands ,dwell with them according to know knowledge ,giving honour unto the wife ,as unto the weaker vessel, and as being her together of the grace of life ;that your prayers be not hindered." 2 Peter 3:7 The husband has to honour the marriage ,and its vows and responsibilities toward the wife. Some divorce their wives when children are not forthcoming ; when the fruit of the womb is delayed .
The issue here is that God wants us to value the matrimonial family above our needs and wants .It is true that every marriage is meant for procreation ,but it is most important to honour the marriage first .That is what made Abraham to stick to Sarah for years although there was no child .We need to understand that " children are an inheritance of the Lord ,and the fruit of the womb is his reward ." psalm 127:3
It is God's responsibility to give children to the married couple ,but it is the responsibility of of the marriage partners to honour their marriage .There are also some who honour their job more than their marriage ;this means they could be busy with their job at the expense of their marriage .This means they don't fulfill their marital obligation because they are busy at work .It is good to work for a living ,but make sure ,you create time to honour your marriage ,by spending quality time with your wife and children .
You need a time table that has a place for your wife or husband ,no matter your profession ( pastor, doctor, nurse ,pilot ,businessman ,president, lawyer ,teacher ,seaman etc.) Some leave marriages to chance ,this means they don't create time purposely to honour and be with their spouse. They only come around their spouse when they have time.
Some are married ,but their extended family has their attention more than their wives ; they listen to their relatives more than to their spouse ,this means you don't honour your marriage; it is time to see your marriage ; it is time to see your marriage as most honourable.
Chapter 11: Perfect Couple
" Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman ,neither the woman without the man ,in the Lord ." 1 Corinthians 11 11:11
The perfect couple is not a physical reality, but it is a spiritual reality. The reason is that there is no such thing as perfect couple, but whenever you notice some perfection in a couple ,it means either both or one of them has been tolerating the mishaps or misconduct of the other or each other.
One of them especially the woman might be very tolerant for you to think that they are very good couple, You hardly hear them quarrel, you always see them together doing things in common. At times you could see that one party is openly defending the other although he had committed a trespass.
Perfect couples learn to settle their disputes by themselves instead of involving a third party. So you hardly hear their disputes, they up smiles in front of outsiders, to cover up their differences. They can wear a uniform dress for all public occasions. They are considerate to each others weakness and they don't speak out their spouse weakness to other people, instead they cover up for each other.
When the woman is truelly submissive and allow the husband to be fully her head, there will be perfection. Also when the man truelly show love and affection to the wife there could be perfection ."Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. "1 Corinthians 7:3 It is the corporate behaviour of the two (male and female ) that makes a perfect couple.
Chapter 12: Believers And Unbelievers
" For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband, else were your children unclean, but now are they holy ." 1Corinhians 7:14
A believer cannot strictly settle down with an unbelievable unless, they were married before he or she became a believer .A believing Christian can be successful in marriage by marrying a fellow believer. Every believer who is yet to be married must decisively marry a believing brother or sister in Christ .This is because their influence in each others lives can effect their religious faith positively ( if he or she is a believer ) or negatively (if he or she is an unbeliever .
The opening scripture is stating a condition when one of the couple become born
again after the marriage. In this case they are already married before becoming Christians, and the Christian has the grace that sanctifies the unbelieving spouse, so that their children could be holy in the sight of God. There are also conditions of the marriage when the unbeliever ( especially the man ) tells the wife to choose him and deny his Christian faith or else they would divorce.
To this unfavourable condition of marriage to an unbeliever Paul said, " But if the unbelieving departs ,let him depart .A brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases : but God has called us to peace. " 1CORINHIANS 7:15 A condition of divorce is warranted in this situation because the unbeliever opted to leave the marriage, more so because of the religious faith of the Christian brother or sister.
However, there is also a situation where the unbeliever still wishes to maintain the marriage although the spouse is born again. In this case we see that the religious life style of their spouse does not offend him or her in any way. Such unbelieving husbands or wives might be saved some day through their spouses. "For what knowest thou ,oh wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband ? Or how knowest thou oh man ,whether thou shalt save thy wife? " 1 Corinthians 7:16
A believer should not deliberately marry an unbeliever or some one from another religious Back ground , . Because this may have an adverse effect on his or her faith. It is also bound to bring strife in the marriage as religious matters may be so controversial and confusing. But when the two are of the same religious faith, they strictly agree to serve God together, when both are Christians.
Chapter 13 ; The purpose of marriage.
"And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit . And Wherefore one ? that he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife his youth " Malachi 2:15
The purpose of marriage is so clear in the Scriptures so clear in the Scriptures. So we are going to explore it gradually in this chapter. First and foremost purpose of the marriage is to keep the man company with the presence the woman. " ...But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him ." Genesis 2:20 So the woman was meant to be a companion and a helper to the man in marriage.
This means marriage is meant to bring help for both parties ; the man needs help from the woman likewise the woman needs help from the man,.The two are suppose to help each in vision, profession, career, religious faith etc. In this way they both achieve their goals in life. The prophet Malachi explains it better " Yet ye say ,Wherefore ?Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously ; yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy covenant. " Malachi 2:14
Marriage is meant to provide friendship for both the man and the woman to flow together in love, affection and love. That is why your wife or husband has to be your best friend. You cannot marry and still have somebody as a best friend either than your spouse. So many marriages are broken because there is no companionship and friendship.
Another purpose of the marriage is to unite people and families. The first union that God enjoys the one between the man and the woman. " And did not he make one? " as the opening scripture explains, the oneness is unity ,between the male and the female that goes along way to unite the families of the man and woman. " And said, for this caused shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife : and they twain shall be one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. " Matthew 19 : 5-6
Another strong purpose for marriage is for procreation, that is for procreation, that is to enable fruitfulness of the human generation. In the beginning " God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he them. And God blessed them, and said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it : and have dominion over the fowl o the air ,and over every living thing that move the upon the earth. " Genesis 1:27-28
The last and foremost purpose of marriage is to promote and establish godliness, holiness and righteousness. That is why Pual said " to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. " 1 Corinthians 7 : 2 It is very important for every body who wants to please God, to make sure he or she chooses to get married instead of committing fornication, sleeping with men or women you are not married to .This can lead you to hell fire ,instead get married, because of your fleshly desires.
Chapter 14: Marital Responsibility
" Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. " 1 Corinthians 7 :3
Responsibilities in marriage could be enormous, yet it is very imperative to keep those responsibilities in mind and make sure that we are dutifully observing them .This is what keep marriages going, when individual parties ( wife or husband ) always discharge his or her marital obligation. It is the wheel that keeps that marriage going, just as a flat tyre can stop the movement of a vehicle, if in marriage is neglected and never observed, it could affect the marriage.
The wife must know her duties in marriage and rightfully do it as a responsibility, just as the husband also must know his duties and discharge them well. The wife is responsible for the home keeping in some cultures like Africa, while the husband is also responsible for providing all the financial and material needs of the family. The wife is expected to cook the food, while the husband is expected to provide the house keeping money for any expenses.
The wife is expected to take care of the children's welfare; including their feeding ,dressing, home lessons, washing their clothes, taking them to and fro school, putting them to sleep etc. The husband is expected to pay their school fees and other monetary demands. However, in some western and European cultures, both parties are equally responsible for every thing in the marriage depending on who is available for the task at a particular point in time.
One of the foremost responsibilities in marriage is to make sure you satisfy your spouse in bed all the time. Never withhold sex from your spouse, it is your most important responsibility in marriage.
Chapter 15 : One Man, One Wife
" A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife. .." 1 Timothy 3:2
It is well established fact that in the beginning God Almighty designed that marriage should be monogamous. So that each individual man should marry only one woman, likewise the woman should also marry one man at a time. That is why God created only one woman for the man to call his wife.
Adam the first man to be marriage was a perfect example of marriage ,when he married one woman ; that is the wife God created for him. IF God wanted the idea of polygamous marriage, he would have created two or more women for Adam as wives. That is why we have to accept it that it is one man one wife that God created for the marriage plan.
This is the more reason why in the opening scripture we see the qualifications of a man of God is that he should be " the husband of one wife " . Because anything more is against the will of God for marriage. All God's prophet and anointed men of God in the bible had one wife, Isaiah had one wife, Ezekiel had one wife, and Joseph had one wife .
Jacob was the first to practically marry two wives, because it was not his intention to do so, he was a victim of Laban's trick to marry off his two daughters to one man. Jacob loved to marry Rachel, but by the time he served seven years to be used as a bride price, then Laban deceitfully married Leah to him without his knowledge and consent.
So he could not love her, that is why he insisted on marrying Rachel his beloved wife, by serving additional seven years. ( Genesis 29:18-28) It is important that we should not follow the footsteps of those who did evil against God by marrying more than one wives. We need to accept the will of God in marriage, which is from the beginning, and it is one man, one wives. That is what makes one flesh ; " the two shall be one flesh " Matthew 19 :5
Those who prefer to marry more than one wives are not walking in the perfect will of God and it will spell doom for them at the end .There are so many complications in such polygamous marriages ; that is why it is important to enforce one man one wife principle marriage for all who want to enjoy marriage.
Chapter 16: The Bride And The Bridegroom
" yet ye say Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously : yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. " Malachi 2 :14
The bride is surely made ready for the man, as soon as a dowry has been paid on her head, from that time she became the bride. The woman is now a bride of the man because a bride price has been paid on her head. That is when the woman is publicly introduced to friends and relatives as the bride of the man. That is the time every other man who might be a friend or had interest in her ,has to concede to the fact that ,the woman is now a married woman.
Having become the bride of another man, who has already paid the bride price. During such times the ex-lover or former boy friend must know and accept the fact that the woman is now the wife of some one else. The bridegroom is also used to show that this the man that has paid the bride price on the woman making her his bride. That is when the man assumes authority as the head over the woman and at the same time taking responsibility of the bride.
The bridegroom is now given the physical or spiritual oversight over the bride. At this junction the woman's family, parents and relatives relinquished all their responsibilities over her life and hand it over to the bridegroom as they give her hand in marriage to him. The man is therefore seen as the proud owner of the bride and for that matter is said to be the bridegroom.
The woman has to now honour the bridegroom with all his conjugal right as a husband in her life, having paid the necessary bride price and all matrimonial protocols observed.
Chapter 17 : God Blessed Them
" And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it : and have dominion over the fish of the sea , and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. " Genesis 1 : 28
God blessed the marriage of Adam and Eve with the blessing of fruitfulness, multiplication and dominion. God said their union will bring fruits and that they will multiply and replenish the earth. Marriage is something that God holds in high esteem, because it is the first institution of God to the world. The union of the male and female is the work of God to bring growth and increase of human beings.
The matrimonial home is assuredly blessed by God. The reason God will judge any one who stands against the marital institution. The word of God makes it clear that the marriage is highly honoured and blessed by God. " Marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled : but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. " Hebrews 13 : 4 It is important that we hold marriage in high esteem, like the way God Almighty honours the matrimonial bed.
God said the bed is undefiled, that is because it is purified by the blessings for God. When the man has sexual intercourse with the wife, it is described as the bed of marriage and it is purified and sanctified. It is good to get married, so you can enjoy the blessings of God in your life. The reality is that marriage can open doors of blessings in your business, finances, career etc.
In Proverbs 18 : 22 the Scriptures affirms " Whoso findeth a wife ,findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. " This means the married man has more of God's favour that brings blessings than the unmarried man in most instances .Married people enjoy more benefits from God and people, than the unmarried people. In order to attract God's favour it is good to get married, in order to avoid fornication and all forms of immoral activities. If you want to see the real blessings of God upon your life, if you are not married then get married.
Then you will see how God will bless you and your spouse. The blessings that takes care of you ,your spouse, your children and some relative in your family.
Chapter 18 : Marriage Counselling For Men
" Every wise woman buildeth her house : but the foolish plucked it down with her hands. Proverbs 14: 1
General Counselling For those who are preparing to marry and those already married.
For the Man
1. Never marry a woman you can not control; you will never be happy in the marriage.
, 2.Don't marry a woman because she has money, or because she comes from a rich family. This will not be true love and you as a man will be dependent on the woman or her family. This can deprive you of the blessings of God.
3. Do not marry a woman out of pity, because she is an orphan, or sick or deformed or has no helper. You to marry a woman you have fallen in love with, who is a wife material so you can love ,care ,and honour her, otherwise you will abuse and multreat her ,insult her and call her names.
4. Never use too much money to win a woman you want to marry. This is very important because, you can fall into the wrong hands, by marrying a gold digger who only love your money and not you. She can either divorce you when things get tough or even kill you for your property and money.
5.Do not marry a woman who doesn't want to have any to do with your family members, but hates to see them around you. Such a woman will like to use for her own advantage, so she sees your family members as a hindrance to their a gender.
6. Never marry a woman, who is too much older than you; because when she grows older ,you will prefer a younger lady to her especially when by then you might feel very young. The best marriages that can last and withstand the test of time is when the man is older than the woman, eg .Abraham was older than Sarah his wife.
7.If you want to marry a woman, try to approach her by yourself and personally propose to her ,don't use or send some one as a betweener to propose for you, because by approaching the lady yourself you will notice how humble she could be or how proud she could be. Besides the person you use to propose marriage, could be a future channel the enemy might use to attack your marriage.
8.Do not propose to marry a lady the first time you met her, instead try to make friends, converse, or chat for a while with her. After some time you might know who she really is, then you can propose marriage to her .
9. Keep your relationship both spiritual and physical, spiritual means pray together, study the word of God together and if possible go to church fellowship together. Physical means, go out together to places of interest like malls, market, restaurants, amusement parks, excursions, visitations, programs etc.
10. Don't use sex as a means of proofing that she loves you or that you love her. Having sex with someone you have not married is not a sign of love, it is fornication and it can lead to heart breaks, and open your relationship to satanic attack. Prostitutes have sex with people they don't love all the time, so sex is not a sign of love for the unmarried.
11. Don't marry a woman you always quarrel and fight against. Although you fight and settle, yet it is not a sign of love, when especially you disagree in so many areas that breed strive between you and her .It is a sign you are not compatible with her, it could be a physical or spiritual reason. You have to marry a friend and not an enemy you always fight against.
12.. Don't abuse or insult the woman you want to marry especially in public. And don't use her weakness to laugh at her or telling others about her weakness, because they will dissuade you from marrying her ,yet she could be a good wife notwithstanding her weakness.
13. Do not marry a woman who wants to have a marriage ceremony more expensive than you could imagine or prefer. This is necessary because that is how she is going to treat the marriage as a whole, you will end up living above your means and become more frustrated in the marriage, because she can not settle down for anything less than how you started so big.
15. Do not marry a woman who live an expensive life style than you can afford, when especially you are the one paying the cost of her expensive life style. Unless she is the one catering for such expenses .
16. Marry a woman who is ready to work and support your marriage in her own little way. This will ensure that you have a stable economy in your finances, because it is coming from both sides. So never stop the woman from working unless for maternity reasons beyond control, when child care becomes necessary.
17.Do not marry a woman who dresses like a prostitute, because she might seduce other men to sleep with her or be unfaithful in marriage or else lead her to dress modestly the way you want it before you marry her.
18.Do not assume full responsibility over a woman you have not married, like paying her school fees in full, renting an apartment for her, giving her capital for business. Because she might disappoint you and marry someone else after completing her school or after some time and you will feel more disappointed than ever. Instead if you have anything to do for her, use it to pay her bride price, then you can go ahead and take full responsibility over her. Many men have been disappointed and hurt because of this, you can however offer some help to her ,by giving her some gifts and money out of love.
19.Do not conclude that all women are bad ,because of your bad experience with the ladies, instead check your character, the way you handle them.
20 . Never beat your spouse, you are not a man enough if you are used to beating your wife or your fiancee, instead you are a beast.
2 1 . Never marry a woman who slaps you for one reason or another because she is angry, unless you wanted to rape her or force her to bed .
22.Do not expose your wealth, bank account balance, your properties ,family inheritance and everything you have to a lady you are still proposing to marry, because she might be a gold digger for all you know, and decides to marry you so she could take possession of your wealth.
Chapter 19: Marriage Counselling For Women
" Every wise woman buildeth her house : but the foolish plucked it down with her hands. " Proverbs 14 : 1
General Counselling For those women who wants to marry
1. Never marry a man because of money, marry a man you love; so that the marriage can last long, because the rich today could be poor tomorrow and the poor today could be rich tomorrow. Besides Nowadays there are so many ritual monies in the system, so you can be deceived. But " Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things shall be added. " Matthew 6:33
2.Do not assume full responsibility as a wife for a man who has not yet married you, an opportunist will take an undue advantage of you, use you and disappoint you at the end. There are some ladies who cook ,wash ,have sex with the man as if they already married. You can cook for him once in a while, just for him to know that you know how to cook. When you start performing matrimonial duties for a man who has not married you, it can delay him from paying your bride price. Instead let him marry you and start performing your conjugal duties.
3. Do not lie to the man who want to marry you, eg if you have a child or children with another man, or you have ever married before, let him know the truth. Some ladies think that if the guy gets to know such things about her life in the past, he might not merry you, but that is far from the truth. Because a man in love does not care about such things; been a divorcee ,having children can not stop a lover .Any one who walks away because of such things might not be in love and is not ordained by God to be your husband.
4.Do not date or consent to the proposal of two or more men at the same time. That is a sign that you are faithful, or else you may end up loosing all of them, if they discover. Before you accept a proposal make sure there is no one you are dating, courting or you are in serious relationship with.
5.Do not let the man spend so much, if he takes you out for shopping or eat out for shopping or eat out in restaurants. The man will think that you are extravagant and too expensive to handle. Some men have bad experience with ladies who have spent their money and disappointed, so they are very careful on that. Even if they will pay for, make sure you don't pick what you want and they will pay for, make sure you don't pick so much, it is a test of character. When he realises that he has spent so much on you, he can change his mind about you and the relationship, because such men usually seek advice from the opinion of friends and relatives who might advice to be careful about you.
6.Do not discuss so much about the man who wants to marry you with friends, especially your best friends . Your can dissuade or discourage you from getting married to your guy although you love him. Some friends may might advice maliciously, because ,they are envious of you getting married or they might like to snatch the guy from you, so beware. If you need to discuss any vital issue about your fiance to any one at all, it has to be a believing mother, spiritual mother or father, or your pastor or yet still a relative or an elderly woman who is responsibly married. Do not discuss your marital issues with a single friend or a divorcee you want the best of counselling, divorcees don't value marriage, and they have lost confidence in marriage and or men, so they are likely to say bad things that can be a bad influence for you.
7 . Try to dress decently anything you are going out with your guy ,don't put on seductive dress that will seduce him to sleep with you. Because he might think that you are promiscuous or a cheap lady going about sleeping with men. Men usually have such experience with women, so they know when you are good or the bad type. Having sex with him does not guarantee that he will actually marry you. If you dress indecently like a prostitute, his friends or relatives might advice him to quit, or falsefully accuse you of being a prostitute, because of your dressing.
8.If you are always going to church or you like church activities or you like church activities especially at the time he wants to visit or see you, let him accompany you to church or prayer fellowships, this will help him to know how spiritual or prayerful you are. It will also clear any suspicious mindset he has about you. Any time he calls ,you say am in church or he wants to see ,you say am going to church, he might be jealous and think it is not true, so get him involve in every church or prayer programs.
9 . Never get your friends involve in your relationship, if you are going out with him, don't include your friends, that is very dangerous because your friend might snatch him from you. Don't send your friends to him to take anything for you or to deliver something to him .Your friend can lure him and sleep with him to destroy the relationship. As a woman your number one competitor or rival is your best friend, she always want what you have or want to be like you. .
10. Do not despise a man who proposes to you, because of his appearance, you can think about it first, if he matches your criteria or dream husband. At times appearances can be very deceptive, you should know that some one might appear the way you think is good and attractive to you, but his heart could be desperately wicked. ( ref. 1 Samuel 16:7)
You need to know the heart of a man you want to marry not just his appearance. " The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it " Jeremiah 17: 9 Nowadays ritualist or "sakawa" ( those who used ladies for money rituals, because of their greed .These guys appear so rich and attractive, looking like capable suitors, yet their heart is full of murderous thoughts .
Chapter 20 : General Counselling For Married Couples
" She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is in her tongue. " Proverbs 31 :26
For husbands
1. It is imperative to handle your wife with care and recognition, this is to honour her especially in public .
2. Do not shout over her in public or in front of your family members ; that is a form of humiliation.
3. Do not allow your mother or siblings to abuse your wife or rebuke her for anything ; if she offends them ,you can rebuke her secretly not openly.
4. Do not abuse, rebuke or insult your wife in front or your children, if you have to rebuke her, do it in private, between you and her..
5 . Never beat or slap your wife in any way, no matter the offence the offence, don't raise your hands on her. Men who beat their wives are not normal, they are beast and inhuman.
6. Do not discuss your marriage problems with coworkers or business partners. It can affect your work or business transactions, they will not value you as a man enough.
7. When there is strife or quarrel in the marriage do not send the issue to your work or business partners seeking their opinion.
8. Do not reveal your wife's weakness to your friends or relatives, except to a doctor, pastor or psychologist or any who is helping or praying to solve the problem.
9.Do not entrust your wife into the care of your friends, some friends are promiscuous, they might have an affair with her, or create chaos in the marriage.
For Wives
1 . Never insult your husband, it is an abomination and a sign of insubordination.
2. Never slap or beat your husband your husband, no matter the offence, he is your head.
3 . Don't discuss your husband's weakness to friends and relatives, it is going to be used against you, you will loose your respect, you can only tell a pastor or a person Counselling your marriage.
4. Always make sure you prepare your husband's food yourself, do not give the cooking to a maid or a relative. A person preparing food for your husband can win his heart if she is evil ,every man enjoys food cooked by their wives.
5.Do not shout over your husband, do not raise your voice so high when tempers are high, handle him with respect.
6.If your husband comes back so late at night, never use anger to question him about it, you can ask him with love and respect.
7. Never deny your husband sex, it is his conjugal right, if you deny him for long, he might commit adultery.
Chapter 21 :
The Good Foundation Of Marriage
" And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, "
Matthew 19:4
The Lord laid down the foundation of marriage when he created Adam and afterwards made the woman out of his ribs .The God of heavens saw the need to make a life partner for the man as a help meet, thus he created the woman as a wife "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Genesis 2:18
The Lord's creation of marriage is to fill the vacuum in the man ,emptiness that only the woman can fill .That is the reason he took out the bone from Adam for the purpose .
Genesis 2:18,21-23 explains the foundation for the marriage;
" [18]And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
[21]And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
[22]And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
[23]And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
Adam accepted the woman as God planned, the foundation of marriage is emptiness in the man that God wanted to fill. This means that the man would have been lonely and deprive of companionship that comes from a life partner, which is the wife .So marriage is meant to promote association, assistance, help and then fulfilment.
Another thing that we need to observe in the foundational session of marriage is the fact that they are male and female blocks that God the originator of marriage used ." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Genesis 1:27 So those who insist on same-sex marriage are in the transgression.
Anything sort of the foundation of God for marriage is not marriage, for instance male and male, or female and female can never be marriage couples. This type of marriage is hell break loose on humanity, we have to discourage it and disallow it .
Marriage without these foundational principle is not acceptable in the sight of God. The woman is meant to fit into her original position as a bone ( rib ) of the man .Thus the female as a single entity is not complete, neither should the woman choose to be independent from her husband ,seeing she came out of his bones.
The apostle Paul explains in detail the foundation of marriage, in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12
" [11]Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
[12]For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. "
The first woman came out of the rib of the man ,and all men that came after Adam also came through the womb of the woman, including Jesus Christ. That in essence is the reason why the cohabitation of the male and female in marriage is very imperative, and foundational enough to attract the blessings of God.
Chapter 22 :
The Bad Foundation
1 Corinthians 3:11
"[11]For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ."
Marriage as a whole is the solid institution of God, and for that matter we must follow the godly foundation that has been laid down for us in the Holy scriptures. To marry in any other way aside God's principle of marriage is the wrong foundation of marriage. Today people can decide on how they would like to settle together in what they call marriage, but it might not be like that in God's perspective .
The union of male and male, or female and female, or man and animal ,or woman and animal, is not and can never be accepted as marriage according to God .Other type of marriage is "marriage of convenience ", the mutual agreement of two people coming together for their own gain, such type of marriage is also referred to as " contract marriage ".
In some cases this marriage is for the purpose of documentation, or for a period of time. Where the couple agree to live together for a given period of time. Usually one party is paid to act as such .God wants us to maintain his standard, but these types of marriages are like game play between two players.
In this bad foundation of marriage the individuals are usually cassanos who have no business in falling in love .But playing the game of separation, divorce, infidelity , unfaithfulness and even polygamy for their personal gain and not for love .The bad foundation is a trap for divorce and must be avoided if one wants to have a marriage according to God.
One of the bad foundation is marrying a total stranger, someone you never took time to date, court or study before marrying. There is the need to study and discover your compatibility ranges before the nuptial knot is tied .When the partner begins to show up some strange character, it can disrupt the marriage.
If you take time to study the person, you are bound to discover a behaviour in the person, then you can decide whether to adjust to it or not. Another bad foundation is to marry someone who is not ready to shed the load of marital responsibility with you. This means the person is either not matured for marriage in terms of age , is naive when it comes to marriage or not ready to settle down in marriage.
Another bad foundation is to try to use money to influence someone into marrying you. This is bad because you might end up with a gold digger instead of a lover .If you decide to marry someone because the person is rich ,not because you love the person, it is also a bad foundation ,because riches have wings they may fly away " Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven." Proverbs 23:5 and then your marriage will be shaken.
Chapter 23 :
Laying The Foundation of Marriage
" And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. "Matthew 7:25
The marriage must be firm founded upon the rock of the word of God and love .To establish a good marriage for longevity, you must intentionally lay the foundation. Marital foundations are laid in two ways, first one is to prepare oneself for the marriage, and the second is to invest in pre - marital relationship that is healthy and godly enough to attract the blessings of God in the marriage.
This can be done during dating or courtship, when the two discover their interests ,likes and dislikes and anything that will be done habitually during their life long marriage. This can only be effective if the first face of preparation of oneself is accomplished.
In preparing oneself for marriage, a person has to understand what marriage is all about, then discover yourself ; your character traits,and habits that might help or endanger marital relationship and work on it .Also know who you are in terms of carrier ,such as lawyer, doctor, nurse, business person ,politcian ,pastor, and so forth.
Imagine a complete learned man marrying a lady who is a stack illiterate, this is a recipe for disaster, unless the illiterate is willing to learn. Or a pastor marrying a prostitute who is not ready to give her life to Christ, such a marriage is on the wrong foundation, divorce will be the outcome.
A life partner may help shape ,mould and build up your profession or demolish ,tarnish and destroy it altogether. So for compatibility shake, know who you are , before you can know who your spouse should be .You can marry someone and help change his or professional status, but you cannot change a person's character if he or she is not willing for the Change .
That is the more reason you build a foundation of getting acquainted with the person before settling down to marriage. First, know the character of the person, second know the potential profession of the one you intend to marry. Thirdly, you have to be able to discern the way that person sees marriage ; that is to say how he or she thinks marriage is all about marriage.
Some guys think that marriage is all about sex, some ladies think that marriage is all about money, the man giving her money and providing for her need. Some men see wives as their children's mother, house wife. Some ladies see marriage as a way of getting properties from the husband.
The way a person sees marriage, is his or her perspective on the future of the marriage. This becomes the expectation and the lifespan of the marriage is strongly hinged on this perspective. The character of the married partner is largely depended on this same fact ,even the way he or she will treat the spouse in marriage. That is why knowing your spouse is one of the foundations.
Chapter 24 :
Reasons Why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce part One
Nowadays, divorce is on the ascendancy, a lot of marriages end in divorce. The level of divorce is very high , most people enter into marriage only to opt out within few years of marriage.
The divorce rate in the western world is about 50 percent, this means that, out of every two marriages one will end up in divorce .It is easy to get married, but it is highly difficult to stay married .
Marriage ceremonies like engagements and weddings are very beautiful and glamorous aspect of the nuptial knot. A lot of up and coming couples only prepare for the marriage ceremony , but they hardly prepare for the sustenance of the marriage.
So they prepare for the ceremony of the marriage, but they hardly prepare themselves for the capability of the marriage.
So many youngsters jump into the marriage only to jump out at their own convenience. So the term " marriage of convenience " is derived from that fashionable illusion of marriage.
There are a few factual reasons why some marriages do not work ,in this write up we will explore a few of those reasons why Alot of marriages end up in divorce .
1. Love is comprised
Love should be the first requirement for marriage ,but in our days many have obliterated love in their marital pursuit. Some who were initially in search for love in their relationship, found out that ,the person they fell in love with disappointed them.
So these types of people are traumatised by falling in love ,so they device to enter into a relationship and decides not to fall in love . These are a category of people who compromise love for sake of marriage.
This means they decide to marry the person not because of love ,but because of the marriage and what they stand to gain in the marriage. Some marry because of money ,fame or power influence of their spouse. Although the person is not in love but he or she decides to marry the person for commercial purposes.
So in the near future if they do not get all those things ,then they resort to divorce . If the benefits they were getting initially is no longer available, then they end the marriage abruptly. Thus ,marriage is like a business to such people , when the profit is not forth coming they quit.
Additionally , there are a lot of casanovas in our days, who only play the role of playboys in the game of marriage. So it is hard for them to really fall in love with their spouses, and that in no time affect the marriage.
2. Lack of Proper understanding of marriage
Many do not understand the nature , the requirements and the reality of marriage . These are unlearned youngsters who rush into marriage, without thorough education and comprehension of marriage.
They are only taught to rehearse, their marriage vows ," for better for worse ,in sickness and in health. " Little do they know that, marriage has two sides of life ,the best times and the worst times .
Both are meant to test the validity of the marriage, some see already married couples and they envy them ,seeking to get married and be like them .Those who are already married have come to learn by experience how to stay in the marriage during the trial times and conquer the crisis of marriage.
Whereas the inexperienced person who cannot tolerate the the difficult times in marriage, which is the season of the worse (sickness , financial crises etc.) ,decide to opt out .
Some assume that marriage is enjoyment all throughout, so they enter into matrimony only to discover that ,it is entirely different from their assumptions .
These youngsters who are ripe for marriage ought to undergo counselling to ascertain the reality of marriage, before tieing the nuptial knot. Either than that they will get discouraged , thinking they made a mistake by getting married.
Chapter 25
Reasons Why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce part two
3. Marriage Material
Some ladies and gentlemen could be described as marriage material when they exhibit a responsible character that is worthy of a married person. There are behavioral qualities that qualifies a person for marriage, this quality is called marriage material.
If a lady is submissive to a guy ,ready to do household chores ; knows how to cook well and take care of domestic affairs ,such a lady could be described as marriage material. Another quality is when a lady has a record of being free from Promiscuity or prostitution. This means such a lady is reserved for marriage.
If a man is matured enough to handle the responsibility of loving, caring and catering for a wife , then he is also qualified as a marriage material. These are some of the qualities of a marriage material, a man who is matured in the sense of being responsible for his welfare and not under parental provision.
This is a man who earns his daily bread , then he can be able to meet up with the marital responsibility expected of a husband. The truth is not every man can be a husband, in the same vein not every woman is capable of being a wife .
Marriage involves self discipline, self control and also eager to take up every marital responsibility. So if a guy who is not a marriage material marries, the marriage is bound to fail, the wife might be abused by this kind of man .
In the same vein if a lady who is not a marriage material marries ,her husband will suffer injustice in her hands until they part asunder.
4. Family pressure
One of the common marriage issues is the family pressure from the in-laws ,most marriages are under the bad influence of the family members of their spouses .
This could be the pressure of the mother - in law, sister-in law etc .Some family members poke their nose into the affairs of the marriage, dictating to the their relative in the marriage.
Most at times the in-laws who want to control the marriage, and influence the decisions also come and stay with the couple in their matrimonial home to create more chaos in the marriage.
Most marriages have failed due to the bad influence of their in-laws, who give too much pressure to the spouse or create unfavourable circumstances for the marriage to survive.
5 .Peer pressure
Aside family members impeding the progress of the marriage, another issue is the pressure from friends. These peer pressure is one of the things that has destroyed many homes and marriages .
When the couple bring in friends into every detail of their marital relationship, exposing the secrets of their spouse to some trusted friends .This is where this friends use their negative influence to attack the marriage and destroy it .
As much as possible do not expose your marriage to your friends, " don't wash your dirty linen outside " . They are friends today, enemies tomorrow, so be careful. A woman once told me that she has been married twice and all ended in divorce due to the her friends.
The first husband her best friend snatched the man ,and in her second marriage too another best friend snatched her husband. Alot Of friends have caused more harm than good to marriages of colleagues.
6 . Infidelity
An infidel partner can be a cause of divorce, in some marriages. Many adulterous affairs by an unfaithful partner has brought about the downfall of many marriages.
When a married man or woman chooses to commit adultery against her spouse, it is breach of the marriage covenant. It is also referred to as cheating in the marriage, because you are sharing the marital affection and the bed with a strange woman or man .
Some are in the habit of being promiscuous, so they cannot be faithful in a single relationship. Their philosophy of marriage is not good ,they cannot be faithful in any relationship, hence they cannot stay in a stable marriage.
Real marriage takes faithful partners who have the discipline to stay married as a committed spouse. These are those who value marriage and decides to keep their matrimonial bed undefiled.
" Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. "
Hebrews 13:4
Chapter 26 :
Reasons Why Alot Of Marriages End In Divorce part three
7. Infertility
Infertility in marriage also has been another factor of divorce in so many marriages, where the spouse is not ready to wait and pray like Abraham and Sarah. Then the impatient partner decides to find a way out of the relationship.
Some guys decide to have children outside the wedlock with another woman, and that usually creates a loophole in the marriage for divorce to have its way .
Couples who are really in love have the option to adopt a child from the orphanage homes and raise this child as their own . However, prayer has been the most effective antidote for childlessness in marriage. It has changed the story of so many infertile couples ,making them to give birth to their own babies after praying for years .
8. Religious issues
One of the causative agents of divorce in our age is religious issues. Some have taken religion to the extreme and as a result it has affected alot of marriages . Due to disagreement on religious issues, some lovers have part asunder .
This happens especially in a situation where the two parties belong to different religions, or when one of them uses religion as a yardstick to deprive the other of time ,affection and even sexual intercourse.
Religious interference has brought a lot of bad influence into some marriages and the consequences has always been divorce. When people practice religion in the wrong way they see marriage as a secondary ,however, marriage even comes before religion.
Before, there was religion, God had already created marriage for Adam and Eve. So we should not allow religious issues to bring separation or divorce in the marriage.
9. Travelling Issues
Many a couple are separated by travelling ; when one couple travels abroad and stays there longer than expected ,there could be separation leading to divorce .
Marriage couples are meant to stay together in the same house, especially in the same room ,so when the opposite happens, then if care is not taken there could be extramarital affairs.
Prolonged stay in abroad ,while the spouse is in the home country waiting, is a recipe for divorce. Many marriages could not work due to the expatriate lifestyle of the partner. Many at times such partners are at the mercy of adultery or the temptations thereof .
10. Gold Diggers
God diggers are the category of commercial lovers ,these fall in love because of the money or wealth they stand to gain from their partner. They feign love in order to deceive their beloved , in the end they might kill, dupe or use the laws of divorce and division of properties to acquire the wealth from their partner.
Gold Diggers are the most dangerous kind of lovers to deal with ,they are criminals who use the strategy of love to achieve their game of fraudulence .They enter into marriage, not for the sake of the marriage , but for the sake of the " gold " .
They can tolerant all forms of humiliation for the sake of the evil intent . So if a rich person falls in love with a gold digger, it is a very dangerous thing . If they eventually get married it would end in lost of money ,property or human life .
11. Poor Performance In Bed
It is important to understand that one of the things that keep marriages going is the sexual performance. Some wives like sex ,likewise some husbands equally like sex .
Some have a past of experience of havin and enjoying sex before getting married ,and as such sex is very important for those kind of people. Some partners in marriage are sex maniacs ,this means they are addicted to sex, so if they happen to marry a partner, who doesn't like sex too much ,it can affect the marriage.These type of people need to marry someone who can perform very well in bed ,before the marriage could be a solid marriage. Some people are naturally aromatic, this means they don't like romance nor sex frequently.
When a sex maniac marries a person who is aromatic, the spouse might think that the partner doesn't really love him or her .
Another well known fact is when the man is impotent , his wife may not be to handle the situation and this can also go along way to bring divorce.
12. Anti-marital Demons
The Holy Bible has said that, " we live in the flesh ,we do not war after the flesh. " . There are so many things that happens in marriage that Satan is really behind it .
There are anti -marital forces that fight against marriages in our age and time .These includes spiritual wives and husbands ,demons who come to us in our dreams to have sex with us in one way of the other .
These are forces that fight human marriages ,their intent is to make sure that the marriage will collapse. These evil forces might be evil alters, witchcraft spirits, marine demons ,Ancestral spirits ,family idols and the like that are deployed from the power of darkness to destroy the marriage.
In conclusion, we are all susceptible to these factors that destroy marriages and bring separation or divorce into the matrimonial home. In view of this prayer is highly recommended as the only way out of these marital predicaments. So " Pray without ceasing " 1 Thessalonians 5 : 17
Information
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Other books written by Ezekiel melchisedec includes
1. Letters from God, A non dated daily devotional
2. The Prophetic Guide ( A key to understanding the spiritual Rheam )
3. Discovering godly riches
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